1
00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:07,300
Today, Britain
stands at a fork in its crossroads.

2
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:11,260
And its people are asking
questions.

3
00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:14,660
Now we've got our country back ―
what actually is it?

4
00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:16,780
Who are we? And why?

5
00:00:17,980 --> 00:00:20,900
The best way to find out where
Britain's heading is to

6
00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:24,260
<font color="
into something called "history" ―

7
00:00:24,260 --> 00:00:27,060
a sort of "rear view mirror"
for time.

8
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,780
So that's where I'm going.

9
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:30,540
Back there.

10
00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:32,420
It's a journey that'll take me
the length

11
00:00:32,420 --> 00:00:34,940
and width of the country,

12
00:00:34,940 --> 00:00:37,020
<font color="
to the

13
00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:40,020
Scottish high lands
of the Scottish Highlands.

14
00:00:40,020 --> 00:00:44,140
On my odyssey, I'll be starting
sentences in one location,

15
00:00:44,140 --> 00:00:46,900
and finishing them in another.

16
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:49,900
And looking at some of the biggest
faces in British history,

17
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:52,500
<font color="
faces about them.

18
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:56,820
Henry didn't get arrested after
he killed his first wife, did he?

19
00:00:56,820 --> 00:01:00,180
What sort of mistakes did the Tudor
police make that led him

20
00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:01,700
to kill again?

21
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:05,700
All of it taking place in this
<font color="

22
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:08,820
So join me, Philomena Cunk,
as I take you right up

23
00:01:08,820 --> 00:01:11,260
the history of The United Britain
of Great Kingdom.

24
00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:14,340
This...is Cunk On Britain.

25
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:30,900
Last week we discovered how God
invented Britain,

26
00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:34,820
<font color="
we went to war with the roses.

27
00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:36,980
But that was just the beginning.

28
00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:44,380
By the time the Wars of the Roses
ended, Britain was literally

29
00:01:44,380 --> 00:01:48,580
on the map, somewhere near the top,
showing how important it was.

30
00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:52,340
The British had a firm grasp
<font color="

31
00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:56,300
like this rock, but there was a load
of stuff round the edges that

32
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:58,300
wouldn't do as it was told.

33
00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,460
It was wet.

34
00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:00,820
It was full of fish.

35
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:05,420
And it wouldn't make up its mind how
close to the rock it wanted to be.

36
00:02:05,420 --> 00:02:09,380
<font color="
Britain came to rule the waves

37
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:11,420
and invent the Umpire.

38
00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:15,100
It's a story about events
beyond Britain's coastline.

39
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:17,900
So I'll be using the C-word a lot.

40
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:18,900
Sea.

41
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:29,620
HARPSICHORD MUSIC

42
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:29,620
This is Hampton Court Palace,

43
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:33,300
<font color="
be accompanied by harpsichord music.

44
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:37,540
These days Hampton Court is open
10.00 till 4.30 in the winter,

45
00:02:37,540 --> 00:02:39,460
10.00 till 6.00 in the summer,

46
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:42,860
with last entry to the maze
45 minutes before closing.

47
00:02:42,860 --> 00:02:47,860
Prices start at £18.40 per adult
<font color="

48
00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:52,580
A family ticket will set you back at
least £32.30 - unless you're buying

49
00:02:52,580 --> 00:02:56,700
that ticket in the 15th century,
and your family name is Tudor.

50
00:02:57,700 --> 00:03:01,860
But what do we mean by the word
"Tudor"? Let's ask an expert.

51
00:03:01,860 --> 00:03:04,660
What do we mean by the word "Tudor"?

52
00:03:04,660 --> 00:03:07,620
<font color="
is quite controversial

53
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:12,740
because the Tudors, at the time,
didn't call themselves "Tudor".

54
00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:17,340
Tudor is the family name,
the Welsh family name,

55
00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:21,660
of the ancestors on the father's
side of King Henry VII

56
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,820
<font color="
Henry VII "Henry Tudor"

57
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:28,140
is Richard III when he's trying to
stop him becoming king.

58
00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:31,700
And he uses the name "Tudor" just
to mean "this is some random Welsh

59
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:35,660
"person, rather than an appropriate
person to replace me as king".

60
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:39,420
<font color="
Tudor very much at all.

61
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:43,700
Some people refer to it as being
their family name later on.

62
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,580
Sorry, I had that thing you know
where you just,

63
00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:47,580
your brain stops listening?

64
00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:51,900
If the Tudors were the Kardashians
<font color="

65
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:55,580
Henry of Eight, the kingiest
king who ever kinged over Britain.

66
00:03:55,580 --> 00:03:58,260
If you had to draw a king,
you'd definitely draw him.

67
00:03:58,260 --> 00:04:00,620
Although maybe not as well as this,

68
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:03,900
unless you're a 16th century
portrait artist.

69
00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:06,700
<font color="
so great about Henry of Eight?

70
00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:09,860
Why is he the king
we all still remember, unlike, say,

71
00:04:09,860 --> 00:04:11,340
Richard V.

72
00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:15,900
Well, for one thing he was fat, so
he takes up more room in the memory.

73
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:19,460
But Henry's also memorable
<font color="

74
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:22,540
He had six wives -
all called Catherine.

75
00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:24,140
He was a Catherine-aholic.

76
00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:26,380
Or "Catholic" for short.

77
00:04:26,380 --> 00:04:30,140
He got through so many Catherines
he actually got bored of killing

78
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:35,740
them, and had to invent a new way of
<font color="

79
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:40,740
The Pope hated divorce,
so Henry decided to divorce him.

80
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:45,780
He took back control, broke with
Europe, and made up a new religion,

81
00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:48,740
which it turns out is easier to do
than Popes like to pretend.

82
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:53,620
Henry created the Church of England,
<font color="

83
00:04:53,620 --> 00:04:55,820
And did he have to find
a British Pope?

84
00:04:55,820 --> 00:04:57,700
He didn't need to find
a British Pope.

85
00:04:57,700 --> 00:04:59,620
You could just have bishops.

86
00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:01,060
You can just use the bishops

87
00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:02,900
and people that you've
got in there already.

88
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:06,060
<font color="
now, who would you go for?

89
00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:07,980
You couldn't use
the Archbishop of Canterbury?

90
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:09,380
No. You have to have someone else.

91
00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:10,940
Someone from without the church.

92
00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:13,540
Yeah, like Matt Baker,
off The One Show.

93
00:05:13,540 --> 00:05:15,780
<font color="

94
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:18,460
Matt Baker off the One Show...
He's not an obvious choice, you see.

95
00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:20,220
That's why I think he'd be good.

96
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:23,220
But the more you think about it,
the more it makes sense.

97
00:05:23,220 --> 00:05:26,020
Henry of Eight kept having
a go on new wives

98
00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:28,140
<font color="
out of one of them.

99
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:30,740
And eventually one did -
called Edward.

100
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:35,540
When Henry died, Edward became king,
aged just nine years old.

101
00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:40,580
Edward died aged 15 - the youngest
anyone had ever died of old age.

102
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:44,660
<font color="
by Lady Jane Grey.

103
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:48,620
She ruled for nine glorious days -
almost a week.

104
00:05:48,620 --> 00:05:51,980
These were among the fastest
royals we've ever had.

105
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:55,940
After Jane came this woman -
Queen Mary.

106
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,620
And there really was
<font color="

107
00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:02,580
something funny like Cameron Diaz
with all dried spunk in her hair.

108
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:05,900
Mary's something was religious
intolerance.

109
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,980
She had so many Protestants
burned at the stake

110
00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:11,180
she became known as Bloody Mary.

111
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:14,020
<font color="
she was horrible.

112
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:17,300
The next Queen was Queen Elizabeth,
who, in the first of many

113
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:20,700
such coincidences, appeared just
in time for the Elizabethan era.

114
00:06:27,740 --> 00:06:30,780
Queen Elizabeth One got her crown
screwed on here,

115
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,660
<font color="

116
00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:42,580
Elizabeth One was a new sort
of king, in that she was a queen,

117
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:46,100
which meant she got paid less
and sat on horses sideways.

118
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:49,220
To stop persecution,
Elizabeth allowed her subjects to

119
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:51,700
practice whatever religion
<font color="

120
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:54,460
they pretended to be Church
of England when asked, like middle

121
00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:57,740
class people do when they want
their kids to go to a posh school.

122
00:06:57,740 --> 00:07:01,580
During Elizabeth's reign British
culture flourished, especially

123
00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:05,340
the world of theatre, which is
<font color="

124
00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:10,100
The greatest playwrighter of the age
was Will.i.am Shakespeare.

125
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:13,380
It's often said
if Shakespeare were alive today,

126
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:16,580
he'd be sending his scripts to
television and film companies,

127
00:07:16,580 --> 00:07:20,380
who wouldn't make them because
<font color="

128
00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:23,940
But while audiences thrilled to the
tedious drama of Shakespeare's

129
00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:27,780
terrible plays, some pioneering
Britons were experiencing

130
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,780
real drama - by going out exploring.

131
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:34,420
It was now the British got really
into boats -

132
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:35,740
<font color="

133
00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:39,020
Sailors of the time were
like spacemen,

134
00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:42,900
but on water, exploring the unknown
armed only with an engineless

135
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:44,860
wooden car called a boat,

136
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:48,260
and a sort of basic paper sat nav
called a map,

137
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,820
which had hardly anything on it

138
00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:52,500
<font color="
been found yet.

139
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:56,500
On maps of the sea,
do they show the hills?

140
00:07:56,500 --> 00:08:00,220
You know, the little moving hills
with the white bit on top?

141
00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:01,420
The waves?

142
00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:06,100
Is that what they call the moving
hills with the white bits on top?

143
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,940
<font color="
what you mean.

144
00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:12,100
Did an explorer ever try to
sail into the sky?

145
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,820
You know, find a bit of sea that's
sort of going up and...

146
00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:17,780
No.

147
00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:20,900
Despite the difficulty,
King Queen Elizabeth sent

148
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:24,060
<font color="
nick treasure off the Spanish,

149
00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:27,380
and then to nick whole countries
off whichever brown people were

150
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:29,140
standing on them at the time.

151
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:32,620
The first British explorer to do
this was Sir Walter Raleigh.

152
00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:35,180
Sir Walter Raleigh was a great
<font color="

153
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:38,340
So why is it today
we only remember him for his bikes?

154
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:43,460
Well, there might have been
a connection between that

155
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:46,220
branch of the Raleigh family
and the later bike manufacturer,

156
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:47,820
but I very much doubt it.

157
00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:51,340
<font color="
kind in Sir Walter Raleigh's days.

158
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:52,460
Oh, really?

159
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:54,860
I think we really have to accept
that Sir Walter Raleigh was

160
00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,540
really just an expert sailor.

161
00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:59,540
How did Sir Walter Raleigh
invent the potato?

162
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,300
<font color="
the potato, in that

163
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,940
I don't think anyone actually has
ever invented a root vegetable.

164
00:09:06,940 --> 00:09:09,140
Because they were obviously
being cultivated

165
00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:12,420
and used by people living in the
Americas when he arrived there.

166
00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:16,700
<font color="
potatoes, was he scared of them?

167
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:20,700
I think that when Sir Walter Raleigh
first saw potatoes, not that

168
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:24,260
we've any documented records
on the moment when he first beheld

169
00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:28,820
a potato or a field of potatoes, but
<font color="

170
00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:30,580
This is a buccaneering character.

171
00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:33,860
And I think he probably was able
to take on and

172
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:38,820
manage his emotions whilst engaging
with potatoes at first sight.

173
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:43,300
We still celebrate potatoes to this
day - by buying and eating them.

174
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,940
<font color="
Queen Elizabeth was the first

175
00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:48,900
British monarch to be
impressed by a baked potato.

176
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:49,980
And the last.

177
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:57,340
Walter Raleigh was big news

178
00:09:57,340 --> 00:10:01,540
but he wasn't quite as big
news as Sir Francis Drake.

179
00:10:01,540 --> 00:10:04,620
This is Drake's ship,
<font color="

180
00:10:04,620 --> 00:10:07,180
Tudor for "Arse of Gold".

181
00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:11,260
It was in this ship Drake became
the first person to circumcise the

182
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:15,740
globe, which is probably why this
sort of ship is called a "clipper".

183
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:19,020
Imagine being on deck in that
perilous age.

184
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,900
<font color="

185
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,460
A mighty thunderstorm's brewing.

186
00:10:23,460 --> 00:10:25,580
There's a sailor over there.

187
00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:27,620
Another one over there.

188
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:32,380
The king sailor turning
the...the steering wheel thing.

189
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:36,820
Potatoes and spare wooden legs
rolling around the deck.

190
00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:40,020
<font color="

191
00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:45,540
Someone reading a treasure map
through a telescope.

192
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:48,740
A bloke with a white beard carrying
a tray of fish fingers.

193
00:10:48,740 --> 00:10:52,900
Pirates all laughing in that sort of
horrible throaty way that they do.

194
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:54,220
And, at any moment,

195
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,740
<font color="
sail off the edge of the world.

196
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,820
It's a sobering thought.

197
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,460
Which they'd have needed

198
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:04,660
because they were all
pissed to the bollocks on rum.

199
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:07,380
The British's
mastery of the oceans made

200
00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:11,180
<font color="
furious, in Spanish.

201
00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:13,980
So he sent his secret weapon to
attack England -

202
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:16,700
a woman called Spanish Amanda.

203
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:19,380
The story goes that Drake was
playing a leisurely

204
00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:22,700
game of bowls on Plymouth Hoe
when the Spanish attacked.

205
00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:28,660
<font color="
attack put him off his stroke.

206
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:31,420
He just carried on playing
with his balls.

207
00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:35,020
According to records,
when he'd finished,

208
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:38,980
Drake changed back into his normal
shoes, and thrashed the Spaniards.

209
00:11:38,980 --> 00:11:40,660
<font color="

210
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:42,340
England was victorious.

211
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,980
Meanwhile in Scotland there was
another Mary on the scene -

212
00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:52,220
Mary Queen Offscots.

213
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:55,420
Mary and Elizabeth were
rivals for the throne.

214
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:59,420
Catholics loved Mary, because
<font color="

215
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:02,940
So Elizabeth cut her head off,
which made it harder for Mary to

216
00:12:02,940 --> 00:12:06,660
take the throne, because she could
no longer see where it was.

217
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:08,900
Elizabeth had ended the rivalry.

218
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:11,260
The final score was one head,
to nil.

219
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:14,820
<font color="
marrying,

220
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:17,500
so has gone down in history
as the Vegan Queen.

221
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,780
She left no heirs, which was
the olden word for children,

222
00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:24,140
making her the season
finale of the Tudors.

223
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:27,300
The next top Royal was
<font color="

224
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,460
hadn't inherited his mum's
missing head,

225
00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:33,940
and so could become King of Scotland
and England at the same time.

226
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:39,300
King James I of England was also
King James VI of Scotland,

227
00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:40,940
wasn't he? He was.

228
00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:45,020
<font color="
King James' in between?

229
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:48,660
No, but he was rather conscious
of those other five James'.

230
00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:51,580
Do you think he ever forgot
which James he was?

231
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:55,100
No, I'm pretty sure that he knew
there'd been all five before him

232
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:56,740
<font color="

233
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:59,100
Oh. The first had been
murdered by his subjects,

234
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:02,260
the second killed by an exploding
cannon, the third was murdered

235
00:13:02,260 --> 00:13:05,940
by his subjects after losing
a battle, the forth was killed in

236
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:10,100
<font color="
exhaustion after losing a battle.

237
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,940
So was it just bad luck being
called James then, do you think?

238
00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:16,180
No, the Stuarts are an astonishingly
accident-prone family.

239
00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:20,380
King James brought England, Scotland
and Wales together, didn't he?

240
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:23,740
<font color="
England, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall

241
00:13:23,740 --> 00:13:24,860
and Ireland together.

242
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:27,380
So he brought all those together.
That's right.

243
00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:31,420
Like Simon Cowell when he brought
together...

244
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:32,460
One Direction.

245
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,900
Yes, except it lasted a bit longer.

246
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,540
<font color="

247
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:38,660
Of the kingdoms?

248
00:13:38,660 --> 00:13:40,060
No, of One Direction.

249
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:41,660
Er...I don't have one.

250
00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:43,700
Yeah, very wise.

251
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:46,540
Thanks to King James,
Great Britain was born.

252
00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:49,340
And with it came a new flag,
the Onion Jack -

253
00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:52,620
<font color="
previous flags.

254
00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:56,180
The Onion Jack has it all -
the white and red of England,

255
00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:57,580
the blue of Scotland,

256
00:13:57,580 --> 00:14:00,060
and from Wales, red again,
from the dragon,

257
00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:01,700
but not the actual dragon

258
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:03,620
even though it's the best
<font color="

259
00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:06,540
Basically, whoever was doing this
probably just had a ruler

260
00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:08,900
and couldn't face doing the dragon.

261
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:12,260
King James was Protestant,
and knew that Catholics wanted to

262
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:15,940
kill him, so he had all his clothes
padded in case he was stabbed.

263
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:19,100
<font color="
Houses of Parliament padded,

264
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,500
and that's where the
Catholics chose to attack,

265
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,500
using explosions.

266
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:26,820
This photo from the time shows
the Gunpowder plotters,

267
00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:30,300
in the hats and false beards
<font color="

268
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,540
What they didn't know is that
someone had written

269
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:36,380
their names on the wall behind -
which is why they all got caught.

270
00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:40,380
But one man was about to cause even
more explosive changes to Britain -

271
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,500
Oliver Cromwell.

272
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:46,020
<font color="
had sailed away from Britain's

273
00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:49,340
shores, hoping to forge a new
life of Spartan misery in the

274
00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:51,580
new-found land of America.

275
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:54,860
But Cromwell stayed behind to fall
out with King Charles One.

276
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:58,340
He wanted Parliament dissolved,
<font color="

277
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:01,740
enough, so they decided to have a
civil war instead.

278
00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:06,900
They called it a Civil War
because there was a swear jar,

279
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:10,220
They called it a Civil War
because there was a swear jar,

280
00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:14,460
and people apologised after
<font color="

281
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:17,140
The Civil War was a clash of styles.

282
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:20,580
The King's Cavaliers had panache,
and weird outfits,

283
00:15:20,580 --> 00:15:24,700
while Cromwell's Roundheads were
basic, brutish little bulldog men.

284
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:27,420
It was like a fight between
Wayne Rooney and Noel Fielding.

285
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:28,540
<font color="

286
00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:33,780
Eventually, after many
re-enactments just like this,

287
00:15:33,780 --> 00:15:35,860
the Roundheads won, 1-0.

288
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:38,220
Charles was caught in a big
king net,

289
00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,500
and executed here, in Whitehall.

290
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:44,140
A proud man to the last, he wore two
shirts so no-one could see him

291
00:15:44,140 --> 00:15:47,180
<font color="
to preserve his regal dignity.

292
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,140
And according to witnesses
it worked.

293
00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:51,660
His severed head rolled
regally along the ground,

294
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,580
pumping blood everywhere
and getting covered in hay and dirt

295
00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:57,300
and dried-up
<font color="

296
00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:00,060
and no-one mentioned the rest of him
shivering at all.

297
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:03,180
Under Cromwell, Britain became
less fun than ever before,

298
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:05,420
including when it was just rocks.

299
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:09,260
As a Puritan, Cromwell outlawed
popular entertainment -

300
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:13,220
<font color="
country into BBC FOUR.

301
00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:15,340
Little wonder that after
Cromwell died,

302
00:16:15,340 --> 00:16:18,700
everyone decided it would fun
having a king once more.

303
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:22,260
Charles II came down from the tree
he'd been hiding in and everyone

304
00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:27,300
<font color="
in 1665, the plague happened.

305
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,060
Again.

306
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:32,020
Why did they decide to have the
plague twice?

307
00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:35,180
More than anything it must
have just been boring.

308
00:16:35,180 --> 00:16:37,620
Well, they had many, many more
times than twice.

309
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:42,020
<font color="
European free movement of rats

310
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:46,060
and fleas and our inability to
control our borders?

311
00:16:46,060 --> 00:16:49,940
It certainly looks as though the
epidemic came to England by ship.

312
00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:51,220
Mmm.

313
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,540
So in that sense, yes,
it's imported.

314
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,580
<font color="

315
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:59,180
And they wouldn't integrate,
except when they bit us.

316
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:05,900
The Great Plague of London finally
petered out in 1666 - just in time

317
00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:09,740
for The Great Fire of London which
started here, in Pudding Lane.

318
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:13,500
It was a hot, dry summer

319
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,180
<font color="
full of highly combustible flour

320
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:21,060
and flaming ovens inexplicably
caught fire for some reason.

321
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:24,420
How hot was The Great Fire
of London?

322
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:27,980
Could you, like, stand in
somewhere like Maidenhead

323
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,860
<font color="
on it like that?

324
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:32,260
You couldn't warm your hands
but you probably could see it.

325
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:36,420
How many other cities did
The Great Fire of London burn down?

326
00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:39,420
No other cities,
it was The Great Fire of London.

327
00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:41,900
<font color="
affected.

328
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:45,420
But how do we know no other
cities burnt down

329
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:47,420
because it would have burnt
them down?

330
00:17:47,420 --> 00:17:50,220
Yes, but we know that London was
burnt, even though

331
00:17:50,220 --> 00:17:51,460
it was burnt down.

332
00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:53,940
<font color="
sorts of information about other

333
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,340
places that didn't burn down.

334
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,180
But there might have been another
place burnt down,

335
00:17:57,180 --> 00:17:58,700
that just burnt down completely.

336
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:01,180
And now we don't know cos it's
not there cos it was burnt down.

337
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,740
<font color="
The Great Fire of London, would it?

338
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:06,380
No, it would be outside,
wouldn't it? Yes.

339
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:08,540
So were there any others
that burnt down?

340
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:11,460
There don't seem to have been
any other fires at the same time.

341
00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:13,380
<font color="
cos they burnt down.

342
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:15,420
Well, that's one way
of looking at it.

343
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:17,380
We know a lot about the plague

344
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:21,380
and the Fire of London from the
diaries of this man - Samuel Pepys.

345
00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:25,300
Samuel Pepys is probably the most
<font color="

346
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:28,660
Apart from Anne Frank, but no-one
knows what happened to her.

347
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:32,260
We do know what happened to Pepys,
because he put it in his diary.

348
00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:34,140
Pepys was brave, wasn't he,

349
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:37,220
writing his diary at the time of
The Great Fire of London?

350
00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:38,940
<font color="

351
00:18:38,940 --> 00:18:41,900
He risked his life for us
really, didn't he?

352
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,460
I don't think
he risked his life for us.

353
00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:44,980
It was for himself.

354
00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:49,020
If Pepys was alive today,
do you think he'd be doing Snapchat?

355
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:50,580
And it's best to say yes

356
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,820
<font color="
younger viewers.

357
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:56,300
Yes, I'm sure he would be.
Yeah. Definitely, yeah.

358
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:59,940
After the fire was blown out
by the King, London was extensively

359
00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:02,100
rebuilt by Sir Christopher Wren -

360
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:05,180
the most significant bird in British
<font color="

361
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,020
This is his finest achievement.

362
00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:10,660
Sir Paul's Cathedral -

363
00:19:10,660 --> 00:19:13,380
built on a site of spiritual
significance near the

364
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:17,260
Sainsbury's Local and the restaurant
where they do First Dates.

365
00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:18,780
As well as being big,

366
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:22,340
<font color="
building in the world with a hat.

367
00:19:22,340 --> 00:19:25,340
It would get ten out of ten
in Cathedral Review Monthly,

368
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:28,420
if that magazine existed,
which it doesn't.

369
00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:31,620
Meanwhile, London wasn't the only
thing that was being burned -

370
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:33,460
<font color="

371
00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:36,740
People genuinely believed witches
were amongst them,

372
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:40,300
their fear fuelled by
leaked photos like this.

373
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:42,420
There wasn't a clear-cut
way of telling

374
00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:45,740
whether someone was a witch if they
weren't wearing their pointy hat.

375
00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:50,260
<font color="
and only Witchfinder General.

376
00:19:50,260 --> 00:19:53,300
Who was the Witchfinder General?

377
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,220
The Witchfinder General was a young
man called Matthew Hopkins.

378
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,900
Matthew Hopkins?!
He went to my school.

379
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,420
This was a different
<font color="

380
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:03,900
How'd you know?
He's an IT consultant now.

381
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:08,220
Well, the Matthew Hopkins I'm
talking about died 350 years ago.

382
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:11,260
He went on a witch hunt which
covered the whole of East Anglia

383
00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:14,780
and resulted in the death
<font color="

384
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,260
Yeah, it's not
the same Matthew Hopkins.

385
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:21,140
No. My Matthew Hopkins is going
through a divorce.

386
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:23,700
Well, I think that's
pretty harrowing,

387
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:27,020
but compared with stringing up
aged women upon scaffolds

388
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:30,140
<font color="
it's probably fairly minor.

389
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:32,500
Yeah, puts everything
in perspective, doesn't it?

390
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,180
That's the great
thing about history. Mmm.

391
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:39,540
Matthew Hopkins devised a method to
test if a woman was a witch.

392
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:42,500
<font color="
fool-proof.

393
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:46,220
Which was handy, because it had
to be done by village idiots.

394
00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:48,780
The accused woman was
lowered into water.

395
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:51,340
If they floated they were a witch
and were killed.

396
00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:53,340
If they drowned they were innocent,

397
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:55,420
<font color="
a normal life,

398
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,140
underwater, for two to
three seconds.

399
00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:00,220
But the irrational world of witches

400
00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,980
and wizards was about to be blown
away by the rational

401
00:21:02,980 --> 00:21:07,580
world of science -
and geniuses like Sir Isaac Newton.

402
00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:12,220
<font color="
because the plague was after him.

403
00:21:12,220 --> 00:21:15,780
So he came here, to Woolsthorpe
Manor in Lincolnshire -

404
00:21:15,780 --> 00:21:18,300
a National Trust property that he
was allowed to live in

405
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:19,860
because he was famous.

406
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:22,740
The story goes that an apple
<font color="

407
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,660
and landed on Newton's head.

408
00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:26,460
Despite his amazing hair,

409
00:21:26,460 --> 00:21:29,380
the force of the fruity blow caused
several of his brain cells to

410
00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:33,940
rub together - and just
like that he invented gravity.

411
00:21:33,940 --> 00:21:37,860
What was the world like before
<font color="

412
00:21:37,860 --> 00:21:40,860
Was everything just floating
up to the sky?

413
00:21:40,860 --> 00:21:44,180
Well, gravity was always there
so it just took...

414
00:21:44,180 --> 00:21:45,900
But he just took the credit for it.

415
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:49,940
Because he had come up with
laws of motion and things like that,

416
00:21:49,940 --> 00:21:54,220
<font color="
of his understanding of the world.

417
00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:58,020
If gravity's real,
as you seem to be claiming,

418
00:21:58,020 --> 00:22:00,060
how come it doesn't work on kites?

419
00:22:01,460 --> 00:22:05,380
In all things there's a balance
of forces, and so a kite stays

420
00:22:05,380 --> 00:22:11,740
in the air because of forces that
<font color="

421
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:15,460
Would you say the best example
of gravity today is the game show

422
00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:16,980
Tipping Point,

423
00:22:16,980 --> 00:22:19,180
cos without gravity that
wouldn't work, would it?

424
00:22:19,180 --> 00:22:20,460
For sure. Mmm.

425
00:22:20,460 --> 00:22:22,660
But I wouldn't say it's the best
<font color="

426
00:22:22,660 --> 00:22:24,780
There's way more exciting
examples than that.

427
00:22:24,780 --> 00:22:26,540
Go on. Tell me.

428
00:22:26,540 --> 00:22:31,060
Well, there's flight
and...there's walking on the moon.

429
00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:35,500
Oh, I thought you meant "what's the
best game show version of gravity".

430
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:36,900
Oh, erm...

431
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:38,940
<font color="

432
00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:41,780
It doesn't really use gravity.

433
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:45,100
Well, I thought you said
everything uses gravity. Erm...

434
00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:48,340
Cos Noel Edmonds would be up
in the roof otherwise, wouldn't he?

435
00:22:48,340 --> 00:22:49,620
That's true.

436
00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:53,180
We're all subject to gravity
<font color="

437
00:22:53,180 --> 00:22:55,740
But the game would still go on...
Mmm.

438
00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:57,140
...even without gravity.

439
00:22:57,140 --> 00:22:58,460
Or maybe not actually.

440
00:22:58,460 --> 00:22:59,780
I've thrown you now, haven't I?

441
00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:00,940
You have.

442
00:23:00,940 --> 00:23:01,980
Made you think.

443
00:23:02,980 --> 00:23:05,180
But gravity had a dark side.

444
00:23:05,180 --> 00:23:08,460
<font color="
thinking about why things fall,

445
00:23:08,460 --> 00:23:12,020
across the Atlantic an entire nation
was about to tumble,

446
00:23:12,020 --> 00:23:13,140
just like an apple,

447
00:23:13,140 --> 00:23:14,660
onto Britain's head.

448
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:17,300
On 4th July, 1776,

449
00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:21,140
America officially declared a war
<font color="

450
00:23:21,140 --> 00:23:22,860
It was a brutal conflict,

451
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:25,860
with the British eventually
suffering a humiliating defeat

452
00:23:25,860 --> 00:23:31,380
a mere 210 years before the premiere
of the BBC sitcom Brush Strokes.

453
00:23:40,860 --> 00:23:47,340


454
00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:52,380


455
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:58,740
<font color="

456
00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:03,980
Losing America was a real
knee in the balls for Britain,

457
00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:06,380
but fortunately for national pride,

458
00:24:06,380 --> 00:24:09,340
one great British hero
was about to rise -

459
00:24:09,340 --> 00:24:12,700
Vice Admiral Viscount Lord
Horrorshow Nelson.

460
00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:15,140
<font color="

461
00:24:15,140 --> 00:24:18,380
Why did his parents call him
Horrorshow?

462
00:24:18,380 --> 00:24:22,140
Well, I think they probably intended
it to be pronounced Horatio.

463
00:24:22,140 --> 00:24:26,140
But it just got mish-mashed up
and became Horrorshow?

464
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:30,540
No, I think that most people still
<font color="

465
00:24:30,540 --> 00:24:33,540
As well as being a sailor,
Nelson found time to

466
00:24:33,540 --> 00:24:38,340
star in lots of old paintings,
doing his weird signature pose.

467
00:24:38,340 --> 00:24:41,900
Why did Nelson always have one
hand up his jumper?

468
00:24:41,900 --> 00:24:43,340
What was he doing up there?

469
00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:48,700
<font color="
so it wasn't really trying to

470
00:24:48,700 --> 00:24:52,540
conceal his hand,
he was actually missing an arm.

471
00:24:52,540 --> 00:24:54,420
Oh, God.

472
00:24:54,420 --> 00:24:56,940
How do we know that
that's true, though?

473
00:24:56,940 --> 00:24:59,780
Cos, you know, Rod Hull,

474
00:24:59,780 --> 00:25:03,140
he used to have his arm round
<font color="

475
00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:06,500
It might have just been that.

476
00:25:06,500 --> 00:25:08,180
He didn't have it blown off at all.

477
00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:11,380
He was just trying to
make his story more interesting.

478
00:25:11,380 --> 00:25:13,300
Well, I don't see why
he would bother to do that.

479
00:25:13,300 --> 00:25:14,780
He was already a heroic figure,

480
00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:17,300
<font color="
sort of feign, you know,

481
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:22,020
serious injury to, if you
like, deepen his growing legend.

482
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:26,580
So I think we can probably say that,
unlike some things, this is true.

483
00:25:26,580 --> 00:25:28,620
Yeah, and the eye was true.

484
00:25:28,620 --> 00:25:30,620
The eye was true as well,
<font color="

485
00:25:30,620 --> 00:25:33,620
So he was like a pirate,
but like a boring one.

486
00:25:34,980 --> 00:25:37,660
Not being able to clap wasn't
the most annoying

487
00:25:37,660 --> 00:25:40,780
thing in Nelson's life,
he had an arch-enemy -

488
00:25:40,780 --> 00:25:45,380
the annoyingly similar French pirate
Napoleon Cumberbatch.

489
00:25:45,380 --> 00:25:48,660
<font color="
conquered most of Europe

490
00:25:48,660 --> 00:25:51,580
and was on the verge of having
a conquer at Britain.

491
00:25:51,580 --> 00:25:52,980
But before he could,

492
00:25:52,980 --> 00:25:56,380
he had to have a
Battle of Trafalgar against Nelson.

493
00:25:57,900 --> 00:26:00,940
The Battle of Trafalgar was
<font color="

494
00:26:00,940 --> 00:26:02,900
fights in British history.

495
00:26:02,900 --> 00:26:06,580
And it took place, of course,
here in Trafalgar Square.

496
00:26:06,580 --> 00:26:08,460
It's amazing to think that
back then,

497
00:26:08,460 --> 00:26:10,460
all of this would have been
under water.

498
00:26:10,460 --> 00:26:13,140
Only the top of the column would
<font color="

499
00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:16,140
On this side,
Nelson's English ships.

500
00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:20,140
On this side, by the Pret A Manger,
the French fleet.

501
00:26:20,140 --> 00:26:22,780
And overseeing it all was Nelson,

502
00:26:22,780 --> 00:26:27,340
stranded on top of his stone stick -
where he remains to this day.

503
00:26:27,340 --> 00:26:31,740
<font color="
we banish him up that big pole?

504
00:26:31,740 --> 00:26:35,940
Well, it's not a banishment,
this was a national celebration.

505
00:26:35,940 --> 00:26:39,060
So this was very much, if you like,
a symbol of British victory

506
00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:42,860
and pride, and honouring of
the man who had been

507
00:26:42,860 --> 00:26:45,540
<font color="
delivering victory at Trafalgar.

508
00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:48,340
But he's so high up, isn't he?

509
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:50,020
He's sort of out of eye shot.

510
00:26:51,340 --> 00:26:53,620
Well...
And he's getting shat on by birds.

511
00:26:53,620 --> 00:26:55,780
Yeah, I mean, it's...it's a....

512
00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:57,500
Couldn't we have had him
<font color="

513
00:26:57,500 --> 00:26:58,860
so that we can have a look at him?

514
00:26:58,860 --> 00:27:01,260
Well, it's a fair point, I mean...
It's just like a joke.

515
00:27:01,260 --> 00:27:02,460
Yeah.

516
00:27:02,460 --> 00:27:06,220
Nelson's great victory at Trafalgar
was sadly spoiled for him

517
00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:08,380
when he was shot by a French sniper.

518
00:27:08,380 --> 00:27:12,500
<font color="
by his Naval colleague Hardy,

519
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:14,780
who kissed him to death.

520
00:27:14,780 --> 00:27:19,340
If Hardy was kissing Nelson
at the exact moment he was dying,

521
00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:23,020
to what extent would that make him
a necrophile?

522
00:27:23,020 --> 00:27:25,340
Cos that's a serious offence.

523
00:27:25,340 --> 00:27:29,780
<font color="
hours to die, and this particular

524
00:27:29,780 --> 00:27:34,020
famous moment took place when Nelson
was still very much alive.

525
00:27:34,020 --> 00:27:36,100
So there was nothing dodgy about it?

526
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:38,180
Nothing dodgy at all.

527
00:27:38,180 --> 00:27:39,740
Nelson may have died,

528
00:27:39,740 --> 00:27:43,580
but a whole new chapter of British
<font color="

529
00:27:43,580 --> 00:27:45,580
And it was all thanks to one woman.

530
00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:47,700
Queen Victorian Era.

531
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,220
But that's a story for another
time and place -

532
00:27:50,220 --> 00:27:51,820
next week and here.

533
00:27:53,140 --> 00:27:55,860
Next time, I'll be
looking at the 19th century

534
00:27:55,860 --> 00:27:57,580
and asking the big questions.

535
00:27:57,580 --> 00:27:58,940
<font color="

536
00:27:58,940 --> 00:28:00,380
Why did Oliver Twist?

537
00:28:00,380 --> 00:28:02,980
And what are Words Worth?

538
00:28:02,980 --> 00:28:06,740
Wordsworth wrote
"I wandered lonely as a cloud",

539
00:28:06,740 --> 00:28:09,860
but clouds don't have legs, do they?

540
00:28:09,860 --> 00:28:10,980
No.

541
00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:13,580
So how was he allowed to get away
with that kind of stuff?